


Lingering

by SilenceoftheSolitude



Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Ascended Daniel Jackson, Episode Related, Episode Tag, Episode: s05e21 Meridian, Gen, Male-Female Friendship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-11
Updated: 2014-05-11
Packaged: 2018-01-24 09:19:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1599665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilenceoftheSolitude/pseuds/SilenceoftheSolitude
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She wasn’t putting him away; she was storing him in her heart to hold him there forever.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Lingering

**Author's Note:**

> I've just re-watched Meridian (yeah, I cried again) and going over works I have left to revise I found this (I was totally looking for something else), so I decided to adjust it and post it.
> 
> I have no beta so all mistakes are my own. Any comment (positive or negative - especially if constructive criticism) is very much appreciated as it helps me improve.
> 
> Disclaimer: Stargate SG-1 and its characters are the property of Showtime/Viacom, MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, and Gekko Productions. No copyright infringement intended.

**Lingering**  
  
She had spent a whole week in a state that some would have described of denial, but that was because she wasn’t showing what she really felt, only what everyone wanted her to feel. Her feelings would have probably been better described as deep seated anger.

Towards the world, who had been saved countless times by his efforts and didn’t even show a bit of gratitude. Towards the Kelownans and their damned meaningless war, that had led to his death. Towards him, because for once in his life he had a right to be selfish, but had decided that his life was less important than that of people who had freely chosen weapon of mass destruction over a treaty with a world that could provide them with defense technology. Towards herself, because she should have been there with him, but she hadn’t. And towards Jack, because he had stopped her father’s hand when he could have been Daniel's savior; all on the pretense that a man who could barely breathe, let alone talk, had asked him not to be cured.

And then one day she had woken up, and the anger hadn’t subsided, but it wasn’t alone anymore. Something else was there with it. For the first time after that day she had gone into work with a purpose, with a need. She had started to walk the corridors of the SGC with a single goal and had decided to ignore anything – and anyone – that required her attention.

She knew her conduct wasn't that of a soldier. She should suppress her feelings; she was an Air Force Major, not a school girl. But every time she walked those corridors she felt him with her; every piece of him. His enthusiasm, his patience, his passion, his love of life, his endurance, his strength… she could spend hours on end enumerating his qualities and still miss out on something. Because he was so much – he was too much. He had always been. And his presence had always engulfed her in a way nobody else's had without asking for anything in return. That was just who he was; and he was natural at it, like his gift wasn’t special – as if his wasn’t a gift at all.

She stood in his office. Technically it wasn’t his anymore, but it would never cease to be his in her mind. Much of what he had owned was in that room and she knew that more than artifacts, it was memories that made this place his.

It wasn’t how she had pictured coming back to his lab. Memories she had expected, but the smile… that hadn’t been planned. Tears maybe… possibly… definitely, but the way her facial muscles moved to plaster a heartfelt smile on her face hadn’t been calculated. God, she missed him. And yet, standing in his lab, she could only smile. She blamed it on the memories that formed in her mind as she watched every single object they had retrieved from the far too many missions they had completed, from the many planets they had visited.

He had taught her so much, and it had nothing to do with cultures and languages.

And everything to do with her.

She had learned more from him about herself than she had from anyone else. He had had a way of making you reflect on your life and realize that all those little things you gave for granted were what make your world spin – what make your life worth living.

She wasn’t sure she would have been able to cope so well with his death if she hadn’t met him. Which made little sense rationally, but she didn’t care. Right now, it made enough sense to her and she wasn’t about to question the rationality of the events surrounding her; especially since very little of her present life could be qualified as rational anyway.

She hovered a little more at the doorstep before closing the door behind her.

She wasn’t putting him away; she was storing him in her heart to hold him there forever.

Before the door completely shut behind her shoulders, she felt something gently brushing past her. She recognized the sensation. His touch was all too familiar. She knew in her mind that he _was_ _not_ there, but she also knew in her heart that he _was_. She leaned into his touch, “I’m going to miss you, Daniel.”

And then she felt his warm smile and his soft whisper, “it’s alright, Sam. I’m right here with you, I’ll always be.” And somehow, she didn’t doubt it.

She turned around and walked the corridors of the SGC with him by her side.


End file.
